I hate playing my instrument

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julian147
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:41 am

I hate playing my instrument

Post by julian147 »

I have been playing the clarinet for the last 10 years. I've been on competitions, both solo and in a quartet and I have always done well (always in national round). The thing is, I just hate it. Whenever I practice at home, I start feeling physically sick after a few minutes of playing it. In lessons I often get stuck at some random bar and I keep replaying it not because I'm unable to play it, but just because I don't like the way I played it, it's not perfect, so I play it over and over like 15 times, which might seem like it's the normal way to practice, but it's not that type of replaying, it's just a very frustrating loop and it hurts both mentally and physically.

I just hate it, hate it, hate it. The problem is, I'm kind of a part of the school, part of the orchestra and also a member of a trio. We are supposed to compete this year. My grandma also used to teach at the music school, so I'm basically the known kind of talented kid. I'm firmly stuck in this role. My grandparents bought me a really, really good clarinet a few months ago which makes the situation even worse. I'm really grateful for this, it's a beautiful gift and I would love to enjoy it, but I just hate it, hate it, hate it.

It seems impossible to stop. Everybody thinks I'm the clarinet kid, I've been there for too long. It just sucks.

Thanks for any advice!
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