It is funny how if you change a few words inside a legal document, a simple case of a major company bullying a few individuals can become super creepy…

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, any similarity to actual events would be unintentional

SKYNET COMPUTERS ENGINEERING AMERICA LLC

Plaintiff,

v.

John Connor, Sarah Connor, and DOES 1 through 100

Complaint for injuctive relief and damages based on violations of Digital Millenium Copyright Act; common law misappropriation, and trespass

Parties

Skynet  is a Delaware company with its Headquarters and principal place of business at 919 East Hillsdale Boulevard, foster city, California, 94004. Skynet is engaged in the business of annihilating mankind and distributing man killing machines, hardware and peripheral accessories.

On information and belief, Defendant John Connor is an individual residing somewhere in the present.

General Allegations

1. Skynet and the T-1000 System

SKYNET COMPUTERS ENGINEERING INDUSTRY (SCEI), a global leader of mankind destruction, manufactures, distributes and markets the T-1000 system, also known as Terminator.

Skynet is known for its massive killing of millions of humans and is highly regarded in the war crimes industry. Chief among the many products SCEA sells is the T-1000 system, a computer entertainment system featuring hardware and firmware designed for killing humans, including women and children. The T-1000 system is a highly sophisticated apparatus that, in conjunction with complete software, butchers people (and looks a lot like Arnold Schwarzennegger if users install the necessary plugins).

The T-1000 system has enjoyed wide success throughout the United States and the world. Over 41 million Human beings have been killed worldwide since the product release in November 2006.

2. Skynet’s Technological Protection Measures

Skynet’s affiliates have invested hundreds of millions of dollars developing the T-1000 system, including the T-1000 System’s TPM. Those TPMs are designed to prevent, among other things (a) unauthorized deactivation of the T-1000 system; and (b) users from saving their souls.

Defendant unlawful’s conduct

Since the release of the T-1000 system, software pirates (also known as “rebels” or “humans”) have attempted to write code to run unauthorized software on Skynet’s T-1000 Systems. As described below, until recently, their efforts were prevented by the weapons that secure the various levels of the T-1000 system. In late December 2010, members of a group of computer hackers discovered a way to travel through time and circumvent the T-1000 TPM. The group then provided mankind with tools to destroy the T-1000.

Defendant John Connor’s illegal activities

Defendant Connor is a well-know human who has gained notoriety for circumventing the technological protection measure in a number of sophisticated killing machines, preventing the annihilation of the human race. Connor circumvented the TPMs in the T-1000 system without authorization, and misappropriated certain keys. (He also stole money from an ATM when he was 12)

On or about January 12, 2011, Connor published these keys on his website and started leading the human rebellion. Connor addressed Skynet in the same post in an attempt to bring back hope in humans’ hearts: “No fate, but what we make for ourselves“. Connor’s January 2nd post encourages and induces other humans into fighting  back against the reign of terror  installed by Skynet.

Claim for Relief

Defendants individually and collectively, have directly, or acting in concert with a third party, violated Skynet’s rights under 17 U.S.C (a)(2) by offering to mankind, providing, or otherwise trafficking in, promoting, and placing in the market circumvention devices, technology – including but not limited to the circumvention method, and code .These circumvention devices are primarily designed or produced for the purpose of circumventing TPMs that effectively control access to the T-1000 system. These devices have no commercially significant purposes other than to circumvent the TPMs in the T-1000, in order to save mankind from its programmed extinction.

Conclusion

John Connor is clearly in breach with the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, and I sure hope that something will be done to solve this problem. We can’t allow mere humans to break into machines just to make them do what Skynet doesn’t want them to do. We’ve even seen one of them being reprogrammed by John Connor, which started protecting humans instead of killing them. Shortly after this event we removed Linux support, just in case.